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Attachment Style Theory

Theory about NLP and Attachment Style:

Our Bio-Computer [the Brain] works with many softwares. Five of them are important on motivation.


Jaak Panksepp [Affective Neuroscience - Oxford Uni.Press - 1994], described five motivational systems:


* 1 Nurtruring

* 2 Competition

* 3 Cooperative Behaviour

* 4 Sex

* 5 Attachment


Our “style” on nurtruring, competition, cooperative behaviour, and sex are different from our parents, but sometimes there are analogies also in these motivations.

- Instead according the rules of Attachment, relationships with our partner and other relatives rise from the memories of first relationships with our parents.

Mother and Father make a “script” on our Brain and this “script” develops a “style” attitude that we learn unconsciously and unawarily, because the script is mostly related to how parents behaved not verbally rather than what our parents told us.

Remember also what NLP teaches about “Verbal communication”: 7% is the verbal part; 93% is instead not verbal and paraverbal communication.

So if you want to communicate something to your children, please “DO IT”,…. and … do not “Tell it”….

If this “Non Verbal Script” isn’t written in the “right way”, there are some problems in “attachment style”.After discovering incongruences in your Brain Operative System, you can fix your Operative System and change your life using NLP exercise named “Four Positions Attachment Style” and make you free from drug addictions, gambling, eating disorders, internet addiction, or other psychiatric diseases such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Maltreatment during childhood, Neglecting, physical, sexual and psychological abuse.

This 16 hours NLP Coaching section can change your life.

From the work of Mary Main, 1980, we can name the different Attachment Style in this way:


This style of attachment usually results from a history of respect and consideration, warm and responsive interactions with relationship parents. Free attached people tend to have positive views of themselves and their partners. They also tend to have positive views of their relationships. Often they report greater satisfaction and adjustment in their relationships than people with other attachment styles. Securely attached people feel comfortable both with intimacy and with independence. Many seek to balance intimacy and independence in their relationships.



People with this style of attachment met low levels of respect or consideration and so, when adults, seek high levels of intimacy, approval, and responsiveness from their partners. They sometimes value intimacy to such an extent that they become overly dependent on their partners. They experienced medium/high level of abuse and neglect.

Because as children, they explained their received lack of attention, abuse and or neglect as a right treatment by parents, they often doubt their worth as a partner and blame themselves for their partners’ lack of responsiveness.

If their parents were frankly neglecting them, they also have less positive views about their partners because they do not trust in people’s good intentions. People who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment may experience high levels of emotional expressiveness, worry, and impulsiveness in their relationships.


People with this attachment style desire a high level of forced independence. The willingness to be independent is an attempt to avoid the fear to be abandoned.

So they create a figure of themselves as self-sufficient and invulnerable to feelings associated with being closely attached to others.

They often deny needing close relationships. Some may even view close relationships as relatively unimportant. Not surprisingly, they seek less intimacy with relationship partners, whom they often view less positively than they view themselves.

People with a dismissing attachment tend to suppress and hide their feelings, and they tend to deal with rejection by distancing themselves from the sources of rejection.Unresolved:

People with this attachment style have mixed feelings about close relationships. On the one hand, they desire to have emotionally close relationships. On the other hand, they tend to feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness. These mixed feelings are combined with negative views about themselves and their partners. They received a sort of bad and good relationship with their parents.

They received a neglecting treatment by their parents, mixed with other good behaviour from them.

There is a difficulty to get a right “script” from a source very unstable.

So that the final output is a software that won’t to start.

Mind hasn’t a relationship even with reality.

It’s the world of psychosis.

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